He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
