whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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