he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So much rum. So many feels.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
