i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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