this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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