we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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