you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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