quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
