I CAN MOONWALK!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize