No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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