your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
