it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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