So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
