i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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