You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
