god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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