david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
