i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
