I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
