Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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