Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
