Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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