you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
