I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
