He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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