At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
