Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
