I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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