I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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