Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

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  (239): Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread. http://tfl.nu/62jg
  Replies (18) Good night (8000) Bad night (1097)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.

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  (267): This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything. http://tfl.nu/flqr
  Replies (10) Good night (4739) Bad night (1092)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

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  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (7273) Bad night (1267)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts

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  (403): i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts http://tfl.nu/x8b0
  Replies (10) Good night (4895) Bad night (855)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

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  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (18) Good night (5449) Bad night (1583)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment

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  (818): Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment http://tfl.nu/eaeq
  Replies (8) Good night (3462) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.

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  (717): Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/7fz1
  Replies (9) Good night (6259) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.

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  (518): I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice. http://tfl.nu/enx3
  Replies (3) Good night (1613) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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  (901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w
  Replies (3) Good night (1343) Bad night (774)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.

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  (678): It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes. http://tfl.nu/rtfu
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (630)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.

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  (253): If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs. http://tfl.nu/90kb
  Replies (1) Good night (980) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"

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  (212): I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy" http://tfl.nu/3mee
  Replies (3) Good night (1363) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth

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  (262): Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth http://tfl.nu/ck6h
  Replies (2) Good night (780) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper

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  (318): she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper http://tfl.nu/ei3r
  Replies (3) Good night (863) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan

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  (334): I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan http://tfl.nu/k05v
  Replies (3) Good night (485) Bad night (122)

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