God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.