sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.