both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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