Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
