I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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