If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
