I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
