I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????