I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
