Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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