...so i touched it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
