Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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