Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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