I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
