What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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