Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
