this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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