i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
