Porn is love you can see.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
