I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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