You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
