i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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