She is in my trunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
