wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i believe in u and ur pee
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
