There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
