walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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