HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
