No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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