I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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