After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
