Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Never underestimate the power of titties
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