There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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