i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.