That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.