I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.