I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.