i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize