R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think my tv is drunk
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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