Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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