So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
