new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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