yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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