I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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