Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
