Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
