I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
