So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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