if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
