My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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