We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
