I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
